I will start by saying that I would not be where I am today without the help and love I received from New Hope Manor. And it took me going there three times between 2018 and 2022 to finally get it. My sober date is September 2nd 2021 and I am happily taking life one day at a time.

Everyone has a different story, but everyone shares the same pain of addiction and the sadness and hell it puts us and our loved ones through. I took my first drink when I was 15 and I fell in love. By the time I was 29, after two D.U.I’s I decided maybe I had a problem. The problem was me, I always thought I was different and that things weren’t that bad.

I tried AA but decided I wasn’t as bad as the people I had met. I also tried doing it my way which had me swapping addictions (just like they had warned me about), but no I still thought “I’d never let myself get that bad.” Well if you are reading my story then chances are you know what I will say next. I started with opiates and ended up on heroin within a year and that wasn’t it; I experimented with crack and cocaine and still thought I had things under control. It became my full time job and obsession and I lived to use and used to live. It wasn’t fun anymore and I was absolutely miserable. A friend told me about detox and rehabilitation and I am so glad because I probably wouldn’t be alive right now.

In 2014 I went to my first detox and rehab and I dove fully in and was so happy that I had escaped the living hell I was in. I went to a sober house, did 90 in 90 and moved geographically but took myself where I went. After 6 months of being clean I had my first relapse and I landed myself in the hospital for 6 days after I overdosed. It scared me so badly that I immediately signed up for a methadone maintenance program in which I stayed for the next three years. I’d go to meetings there but was still using coke and smoking crack so was definitely not sober.

After a bad break-up I decided I wanted to get clean for real this time and I detoxed off methadone and decided to try my first long term treatment. After my attitudes and behaviors got me kicked out, I was introduced to New Hope Manor in 2018. I completed and went on to their sober house in Poughkeepsie. It was great but I got myself kicked out within a few weeks because of getting into a relationship and lying, sneaky behaviors (again my attitudes and behaviors).

My family wanted nothing to do with me because they were so sick of my empty promises so I had no where to go. Impulsively I moved in with a guy I had only known for 3 weeks and I started smoking weed immediately and was back to the cocaine and alcohol within 2 months. My life became a living hell again and I didn’t know if I wanted to live or try to get clean again. I called NHM and they welcomed me back with open arms but I left against medical advice after 6 weeks and was back at it within days.

Within a year I was worse mentally than I had ever been before. I found out I was pregnant and was absolutely shocked. Well, the birth of my son was incredible and I thought that would surely change me, but my love for him wasn’t enough. On a horrible night summer 2021, a drunken fight with the baby’s father caught me a CPS case which ended up being my saving grace. I lost custody to my baby and decided I needed some serious help, again.

With my tail between my legs I called NHM again to see if I could get a spot in their Mother & Infant program. To my surprise they welcomed me back again and this was the best decision I have ever made. I worked hard on myself for 5 months – just me, and then did another 5 1/2 months with my son there. The support I received was second to none and the program saved my life.  While I was there this time I finally listened to every suggestion and learned how to be a great mom. The staff all around really made the difference because they believed in me at moments I could barley believe in myself.

I completed after 10 1/2 months and I am a different person. I got full custody of my son back while there and countless other blessings like having my family back in my life fully supportive. I immediately went to IOP and have been happily living one day at a time. I keep in touch with the amazing woman I met there as well as the staff. To say I’d recommend this program to anyone who is looking to heal and find inner peace is an understatement. My son and I thank you NHM from the bottom of our hearts.